Medical Groundhog Day

This was the day.

The day I, the needle coward, was to learn how to inject myself.

So I listened to my pysch up song, did some deep breathing and some positive visualization (I imagined myself jamming the needle in my leg just like the WWII grunts in the movies do.) I even lined up a sweet treat for after as a reward.

I arrived and had to wait, natch, and could feel myself growing ever paler as my leg jiggled, jiggled, jiggled. Finally they called me in to read the TB test they did on Tuesday. Before going on Humira you have to be tested for exposure to TB and if you test positive you must be treated for that before you can begin the drug. Unlike the TB test I remember from school immunizations, the new way involves reading an injection site-more art than science apparently since there was no agreement on my result. A positive result? A subdural hematoma? They just couldn't be sure so, unfortunately, must repeat it. And since the test requires 2 days to gestate and they don't work on Saturdays we have to repeat the whole thing all over again next week.

Hopefully we can get it right then.

Every Monday Matters-Monday 04

I did actually do this week's task on Monday even though the blog is a little late. This week we were to prepare for an emergency. Like some previous tasks it was simplified considerably by there being only one person to consider since coming up with a plan to meet others was unnecessary. My challenge to have a stash of emergency supplies was more difficult though, due to lack of space. A 500 square foot studio is not exactly full of space for stuff for 'someday', it's already pretty full of stuff for today. However, there was a scary unused corner under the kitchen sink so I found a box that fit for some supplies-nonperishable food, candles, batteries and the like. A few item suggestions from the book that I hadn't considered were a local map, dust mask and moist towelettes.

(An aside-I love any sentence that features the words moist towelettes.)

The book also said that because of contamination, clean water is harder to find than food after a flood which makes sense. So not only do I have bottled water, I also filled and froze some water since the freezer is one other area of my place where there is actual unused space.

I can think of lots of emergency scenarios where I would need more or different things but after 9/11 and the big blackout of 2003 I have some idea but minus a bunker and a budget there's only so much you can do. I think the most important thing about this challenge is the thinking about it. Once the seed has been planted, other ways you might be able to prep will probably follow.

The Lippman List

My favorite read from my vacation was Laura Lippman's new Tess Monaghan mystery the superbly titled, Another Thing to Fall (I had forgotten the title was from Shakespeare-I was thinking it was referring to another thing to lose, not about giving into temptation). Since busting out last year with the Quill Award winning NYT bestseller, What the Dead Know, it seems like Lippman's been on a bit of a streak. Pairing her hot hand and backstage experience with the Baltimore movie and TV world makes for, in my opinion, the best Tess yet. In its honor I offer the following



Top 10 Reasons to Love Tess



10) Great quotes. A smart mouth who's almost never at a loss for a sharp retort, Tess often expresses things that I have to agree with. The extraordinary thing is I feel compelled to respond out loud. Some faves from this one were Tess' decision that she'd rather be called an asshole than a bitch (amen Sister!) and her very apt characterization of "Field of Dreams" as a male weepie (I recall a 'discussion' with my ex-husband on that very subject).

9) Tess is tough but not unbelievably so, capable but not unrelatable. It helps that we've seen her learning curve as both a PI and as an adult.

8) In great detective tradition, Tess is personally messed up but not completely so (see above).

7) You can read one Lippman right after the other, I know cause I did it last fall. It may not sound like much but it's certainly not true of all series, mystery or no,
and is a tribute to Tess' likability. She's just good company.

6) Good colorful supporting cast. I recently read and enjoyed Cornelia Read's mysteries and wondered if she took her cue (rich deb best friend anyone?) from the Tess books.

5) I like that Tess has a longterm love and that Lippman shows the bumps and hiccups that happen with that relationship along the way.

4) Tess is a foodie, an athlete, a music lover and has a double digit size-what's not to like?

3) Tess almost always rescues herself which I think is key with a female protaganist.

2) Tess is a hometown girl imbued with a love of Baltimore down to her bones. If you love a place the way she does, even if it's not the same place, you'll get it.

and the number 1 reason to love Tess

1)Bold and boisterious? Sounds like a hoyden to me!

Hoyden Sighting

From Laura Lippman's Edgar nominated short story, "Hardly Knew Her", from the poker anthology Dead Man's Hand:

"Sofia was a lean hipless girl, the type that older men still called a tomboy in 1975, although her only hoydenish quality was a love of football."

Stellar vocabulary and a good story too-this reader could not ask for more.

Can't You Just See Her Missing Me?

I didn't want her to be unhappy, of course. I was a little worried since we had never been seperated since I adopted her.

Then, I got these photos.

Yeah, I think I can stop worrying.

Cute Niece Interlude (Just Cause I Can)

So for the last week and a half I have been enjoying a January vacation of the 'use it or lose it' variety. Nothing exciting unfortunately, just the pleasure of no work and yet another thrilling drive through Ohio. (Though with the introduction of the Richmond Fontaine catalog I gotta say their "Post to Wire" is ideal for Ohio in January.)

As I was driving my niece, Vivian, home yesterday after we rated the CD selection (it was Kathleen Edwards' "Failer" which she approved of though she did ask if the singer was a boy or a girl) she hit me with one of those questions.

"Aunt Sam?"
"Yes, Vivi?"
"Where does Jesus live?"

As a lapsed sister to a lapsed brother married to a something else entirely I wasn't exactly sure what to say so I tried to play it safe.

"Welllll, some people say he lives in heaven. What do YOU think Viv?"

(pause for thought)

"I think he lives in New York City."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

(another pause for thought)

"Cause it's big."

All righty then, tough to argue with that theology.

Sure Sign of Spring #1

The Sunshine Millions was held today! This competition pits California and Florida horses in the first televised racing of 2008 (unless you have TVG or HRTV that is). It's true there's always racing somewhere but today marks the true start. Can mint juleps and dogwood blossoms be far behind?

A Point About Phobias

So I was speaking with my rhumatologist the other day about phobias. See, the bad thing about progessively degenerative diseases is, well, they're just so progressively degenerative and after having RA for 15ish years I have now hit the ceiling, pharmacologically speaking, and through trial and error, allergy or nontolerance have exhausted all known pill options. Those that pay attention to stupid drug commercials (I liked TV way better before they came along) know about the exciting new class of drugs for RA called biologics. This class of drug, instead of simply treating the symptoms, attempt to fight back the way a normal functioning immune system would, which is pretty cool. The only hitch, at least for me, is that because they work so differently they require a different delivery system. Instead of a pill these drugs must be taken by needle, either as a self delivered injection or an IV.

Now those who read me regularly know I am a complete coward when it comes to needles. The last shot I got made me pass out. Granted, it was one of those monster shots that take minutes to give and contain lidocaine because otherwise you'd be screaming in agony but still, I am a coward. As I said to my doctor it's all mental, it's a phobia. You could say "Sam, if you take this shot 2 times a month you'll never have another seconds pain" and I would still balk cause there's a needle involved. (You could also say "Sam, you have multiple tattoos and you're afraid of needles?" but that's a whole other thing.) I know it doesn't make sense, cause you're applying logic to something that is not logical. It's also not smart and like most smart people I hate more than anything to be dumb but there it is.

So we talked about it and I said you know I didn't think I would be able to give my cat an IV but I did because there was no other choice. Fortunately for my condition, for cowards like me no other choice is among the most powerful motivations there is.

Every Monday Matters-Monday 03

The word for today is backronym which is, of course, an acronym made backwards. This is relevant because today's task pertains to AMBER Alerts. AMBER was named for Amber Hagerman who was kidnapped and murdered in Texas but I didn't know it also stands for America's Missing Broadcast Emergency Response (the backronym bit). I myself already paid attention to the alerts when they happened but today I did add a wireless alert feature to my cell phone (I used wirelessamberalert.com but I'm sure there's more than one way to do it) so if there's one within 5 zip codes of home I'll get a text message. (And no, there is no charge at least not for the major carriers. If you have a more fly by night carrier you may want to double check before signing up.) Considering 336 children have been reunited with families since AMBER Alerts started being issued it seems little enough to do.

Not That Kind of Cat Person

As I was taking down and storing the holiday cards I received this year I noticed over half featured cats. Now cats are a favorite design theme popular with lots of people but it made me wonder, what is it about cats?

I have had a cat since 1994 when I gave up my rabbits when I moved to Alaska. The plan was to get a dog but it's virtually impossible to rent in Anchorage and have a dog (seems counterintutive I know but there you have it) so a cat was Plan B. And it wasn't too long after that before the cat presents started rolling in. Not presents for the cat mind you, presents featuring cats. Mugs, sweatshirts, candleholders, keychains, a bank-I've got it all. I'm not knocking all this (well, except the bank-what adult needs a cat bank?) most are nice things they're just not things I would have ever chosen for myself and someone else only chose them because they know I have a cat. Do people who have dogs get dog things? Are bird people awash in bird gifts? Yes, I have loved my cats very much and enjoyed a close relationship with each (except for perhaps Meadow who I fear has left a permanant mark and not in a good way) but that doesn't mean I want to cover myself with them. I would have a dog right now except they are more expensive and harder to sneak in. So just to make things clear, I want to simply and definatively state for the record, I am not that kind of cat person.

Addendum to Previous Post

Just in case you found the previous entry too intellectual or impossibly bookish bear in mind my hours of browsing the titles at John K King were punctuated by chili cheese fry burps from my lunch at a downtown Coney (another singular Detroit experience).

Just so you know.

One of the Best Places

Like lots of others today I made my way to downtown Detroit but not to the North American Auto Show. Instead I went to John K. King Books. At 4 floors and 800,000+ titles it's Michigan's largest bookstore-a real book lover's dream. It gets my vote for the most optimistic place in Detroit. (Yes, even more than Ford Field!) Truly, if you can't find something of interest there you are a sad specimen indeed.

I, of course, love all bookstores no matter how modest or cookie cutter, but John King is my most favorite. Everything about it pleases. From its lingering factory feel (they kept the NO SMOKING ON SHOP FLOOR signs) to its long aisles which are always dim no matter how bright the day outside, to the help who, besides the 'hey hon' cashier, are all brusque and very snobby, it's a great place to just get lost. Yeah, I always have a few specific things in mind to look for but I also just appreciate the browse.

Today's finds? A vintage postcard for a project and a new book for my Arctic/Antarctic collection with the rousing title Resolute. It tells the story of one of the many ships sent to rescue Sir John Franklin, the famous British explorer who went missing while seeking the Northwest Passage. This ship was locked in the ice, abandoned by her crew, discovered by whalers a year later and returned to one grateful Queen. When she (the ship not the Queen) was decomissioned 23 years later her timbers were used to make a desk that was presented to then President Rutherford B. Hayes, a desk that is in use in the Oval Office to this day. See? You don't seek out a book like that, it finds you. At a place like John K. King.



Visit John K King when you're in Detroit or online at www.rarebooklink.com

Primary Blues

Well, I did vote on Tuesday though I can't say I enjoyed it as much as I usually do. Because Michigan moved it's primary and messed with the general order of things the Democrats declined to let it count so unless you were voting Republican, it kind of seemed pointless. Usually postvosting I get that self satisfied 'I've done some good' feeling-it's better than getting the oil changed or your teeth cleaned but not this time. I tried to comfort myself with the thought that there'll be a lot less political ads now (especially by Romney who spent big here) and no more national news coverage where the name Michigan was inevitabily followed by the phrase 'the worst unemployment in the nation'. But even these fail to cheer. Hopefully November will be better.

Every Monday Matters-Monday 02

This week's project was also about making time for what really matters, this time by curbing television watching. The fact that it comes on a day that I had to call in to work was very amusing (oh irony, why do you torture me so?) considering bad TV is one of the great consolers when you're under the weather. (Oh, a "Project Runway" marathon? That'll work.)

Overall though I think my TV viewing is mostly top notch. I only have 3 shows I watch weekly (well, when the writer's strike isn't in play, which could make this task considerably easier unless you're geeked about the new "American Gladiators"). I also try and catch the national news if I'm at home. Other than that I'm mostly Netflixing it. This is not to say I never get sucked in to one of those V-H1 "I Love the ___" shows or an episode of "Unwrapped" I have never seen (I love to see behind the scenes factory stuff).

And that's the problem. It's not the TV I watch, it's all the TV I watch while I am waiting for the TV I watch that's the problem. I just need to remember that TV is a drug (ideally a stimulant and not an anesthetic) and use it accordingly.


NOTE: I gotta say, though I am behind this week's task, I thought the last line on this page "Instead of watching reruns of 'Friends' go make some" was a bit harsh. I get there's more people lots more entrenched than me but I say think sugar-encouragement works way better.

Do These Insecurities Make Me Look Fat?

The wedding is coming up.

Normally I would just be happy for my friends and to have a capital O occasion to look forward to but this time is a little more fraught, a little more ramped up. Normally I'm pretty calm about the whole wedding thing. But normally I have a date. Also, my usual comfort when the hair or outfit doesn't quite get pulled off , "Well, it's not my wedding nobody's going to be looking at me" isn't actually true this time. Many of the guests will be people I worked with in what is euphemistically called 'back in the day' (or so long ago in bookselling years there weren't even computers). These folks likely will be checking me out in a 'Is that Sam?' kind of way and in lieu of a wow accomplishment to brag about and minus said date it's more important than ever to look good. Keeping up appearances and all.

So there's been stress. Silly, girly, self imposed stress but stress none the less. Lots of thinking about outfits and shoes. (Can you wear red shoes with a blue dress if you're not dancing with the boys at the USO?) The usual bit-an overstuffed closet with nothing to wear.

Sorry Mike and Nancy, I am thinking of you, honest. I'm not that much of a self absorbed me monkey...really. But, does this dress make me look fat?

About Richmond Fontaine

So, thanks to my love of Willy Vlautin's books, The Motel Life and Northline as my loyal bleaders know well, I have been getting to know his band, Richmond Fontaine. (Though I was rather peeved that I could find none of their records locally-I mean what's the benefit of living in a college town if you can't immediately get CDs by 'sort of obscure but huge in Europe' bands, I ask you?) I'm torn between being rather shamefaced I didn't know them before (how did that happen?) and really excited to have a whole unexplored catalog by a new-to-me band I really like. I guess that's one of the joys of being a fan-no matter how up to date, finger-on-the-pulse you think you are there's always more great stuff. And they keep making still more. Gotta love it.

Anyway, I started with the most recent,"Thirteen Cities", which has a great desert-y, Calexico feel (probably because it has Calexico guest stars). I found Willy's songs to be much like his books-populated by people both scared and scarred. Lots of trailers, cars, casinos and booze. And, in a 'hello Sam, this'll be right up your alley'- horse racing! *

I could see where all the comparsions I had read about online-Thom Jones, Denis Johnson, Tom Waits-were coming from, but found a bedrock kindness in Vlautin's songs I would argue is missing from the others. This was borne out when I read an interview about a song from the other CD I have so far, "Post to Wire", (a racing expression!) called "Allison Johnson" which is the same Allison as in Northline. In the interview, Vlautin said he wrote the song as he was writing the novel because he felt for Allison in her struggles and wanted to do something for her. I like that. A writer should care that much for their characters and I hear that in the music of Richmond Fontaine.



*Hey Willy,

Want to be my Derby date? I know Churchill Downs is no Portland Meadows but I'm pretty sure we could scare up some old school racetrack degenerates even on Derby Day.

Election Year Pet Peeve

I have to sat it. There are some who will say it's not my place to and that's fine but it bothers me so I have to say it. After watching a whole lot of election coverage I have to say I am very bothered by the media referring to Barack Obama as black.

Now since my multiple ethnicities make for just one color I can't claim to completely understand what must be an enormous challenge but I imagine, as divided as our society is over matters of race, that a biracial person might face a choice about which group they feel they belong to personally.

That is not what I'm speaking of.

What I am speaking of is what the media, who are supposed to be getting the facts right, are saying about him. If elected he would not be the first black president and to say so just smacks to me of old racist laws, ones that did the horrible math that spelled out exactly how much blood was required to be owned. Call him biracial, multi ethnic, a person of color (I admit there is no good word) but please, just get it right.

Best Audio of 2007

Eat Pray Love Elizabeth Gilbert

I loved loved the book but read aloud by the author it was even better. I so think Liz and I could be buds.

Julie & Julia Julie Powell

Ditto above except Julie could totally outdrink and outcook me. Though I think Amy Adams is great I'm having trouble seeing her play foulmouthed profane Julie.

March Geraldine Brooks

I went on and on about this one and it just gets better in retrospect. Now I want Brooks to do my other favorite books.

The Yiddish Policeman's Union Michael Chabon

So well read by actor Peter Reigert this imaginary 'what if?' world was so real to me.

Sweet & Low Rich Cohen

A crazy wild family history.

Silence of the Lambs Thomas Harris

Post movie and hundreds of imitators later (Chelsea Cain anyone?) it's easy to forget how good this book is, it's the difference between paint by numbers and the real thing. Too bad Harris drove his most famous creation into the ground.

True Grit Charles Portis


Special Topics in Calamity Physics Marisa Pessel

I already praised these versions-the audio interpretations made me like these books even more.

Every Monday Matters-Monday 01

Well, it didn't start off too well. This day that is. Though I was looking forward to beginning this project very much, this Monday, to be honest, kind of kicked my ass. One of those where you'd pay all your savings to just stay in bed, where you keep thinking of ever wilder reasons why you absolutely positively couldn't possibly work today. But I persevered and stuck it out.

The title for Week 1 is What Matters Most. The task at hand, I guess to pave the way for the other 51 weeks and to sort of ease us into this, is to make a list of the most important things to us, a list that breaks down how we currently spend our time each week and then organize those activities into required, optional and time wasting. Then you take steps to cut out the time wasters to open things up for more of what really matters. There are also some scary time stats just in case you weren't totally on board like the average person spends 100 hours per year commuting to work compared to 80 hours of vacation (they must have been using European vacation numbers).

So what matters most to me is:

Family/Friends (couldn't seperate them-this also includes pets, they're family too)
Love (this is kinda weird now, plus if you're in love don't they become family?)
My Assorted Projects (or in Mafia speak 'these little things of mine')
Work/Career (some days it just feels like work, on good days a career)
Health (my doctors would probably like this one a little higher)
Education (the self taught kind these days)

The second part is a bit trickier (or easier depending on your perspective) because seperate from the 50ish hours I spend at work in a week (80 minutes of commuting per day) my time is my own. I have no local family, few local friends and no significant other. This is of course one reason I was attracted to this project-less time in my own head these days is extremely appealing.

Now this doesn't mean I don't waste time, I certainly do. I am a champion procrastinator always. But I don't think the depressed reckon time the same way as others and I am not so inclined to bust my own chops on this. At least right now. If what I need is to take a hot bath with a book till I'm pruney I think that's okay. But as I pledged to I will be very cognizant of my time use this week and try to make good choices-things that edify or give pleasure make that time matter.

No Country For Old Men

The Coen brothers have been a family favorite since their first movie, "Blood Simple". In the way it happens in families, I get the credit for it. I was 17 and had read a great review and my friend and I went to go. But she was only 16 and couldn't get in the R rated movie so we went back home, collected my folks and went back. My family have been fans ever since, through the good ("Raising Arizona" "Fargo") the bad ("The Man Who Wasn't There") and the indifferent ("Intolerable Cruelty").

Though I haven't ever read Cormac McCarthy, I was looking forward to this adaptation since the Coens have amply demonstrated they get how to portray violence on the screen and I have sold enough McCarthy to get that's key with him. But I was still shocked at how unbelievably tense the movie is. I don't believe I sat up straight from the opening till the credits rolled and there were several scenes when I was completely contorted, trying to cover my ears and eyes at the same time. From what I gather it seems that the Coens were super faithful to the book, not only putting entire conversations up on the screen word for word but also by filming it in a very McCarthyish way. For example, the extreme lack of music reflects his spare, unpunctuated writing style. And I don't know if the windows motif used in the film is intimated in the book, but it also worked well. For every window shown (and they are many) none are clean and many don't even remain intact, again visually amplifying the theme. Another good visual trick was the reflection in the trailer's TV. We see the pursuer sitting in the exact spot as the prey-not only does it add to the tension but also links the two men as opposite sides of the coin. Nice.

But in my opinion as a longtime fan the best thing about any Coen brothers movie is the acting. They have the gift of getting the best from the people they are working with. In this case it is hard to single out anyone since they are all so terrific. (It seems to be the kind of movie the Best Ensemble Cast award was made for and not just because there is no true lead-another fun thing about this one that harkens back to the shower shock of "Psycho"). But, that won't stop me.

Yeah, Bardem's baddie is so bad I had nightmares and Brolin's got self aware dumbassedness down but I think Tommy Lee Jones is not getting near enough credit for this one. Most critics seem to think he's just using his same old bag of tricks but I couldn't disagree more. Yeah, I think his physical qualities-that gravelly voice, that careworn face-are often used as shorthand by both directors and himself when they're being lazy (see that Ashley Judd piece of crap "Double Jeopardy") but that's not the case here. There is an expression of exquisite pain on his face that just grows and grows the deeper into this mess his character gets. He has seen things before, yes, but this one is the straw that is breaking the camel's back. We see that in his pushing away his breakfast, in his request to his secretary to call his wife only after he leaves-the signs are small but they are there. It was also clever casting because this role reminds viewers of Jones' other work-the pursuer of "The Fugitive", the mentor of the "Men in Black" movies (can I just interject that I was so happy to see Garret Dillahunt finally play a good guy? It helped erase the memory of his "Deadwood" and "Life" psychos.) and the cowboy of "Lonesome Dove" but builds on all them. If Jones wasn't absolutely creditable in every scene up to then the controversial ending wouldn't have a chance of working (granted for some, it didn't but I think that's more an audience expectation thing) since it's solely up to him to deliver it. And, though again not having read McCarthy this might be just me, I found despite the fact that Jones' character knows what he knows and believes what he does the fact that he still wants so badly to live, which we see when he is crossing the crime scene tape at the motel, is a kind of cockeyed optimism.

So if it seems like I'm going on and on I am, which is another thing about the Coen's movies-they inspire talk and debate even weeks later which I would say is another sign they're doing something right.

Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel

Britney Spears in 72 hour lockdown in a mental health facility?

Nah, that's just too easy.

Film Favorites~2007

And thus the obligatory end of year list making begins!

I did not see very many movies out this year (only 15) so this list is necessarily modest.



"Sweet Land"

Granted I'm a total sucker for the whole mail order bride thing (the period ones at least, nowadays that's just creepy) but I would have included it anyway since I found it so charming. I also think of it fondly since it spawned my favorite blog comment to date (mostly cause many readers comment privately instead). It's not every day I blog about a movie and then get a comment from the film's producer. Oh, and I still covet that hat the bride wears too.

"Waitress"

Because of my 1990s Hal Hartley worship I was hardwired to like this one-the directing debut of his most famous collaborator, Adrienne Shelley-but I think its blend of just the right amounts of quirk and sass would have won me over regardless of director. And, though it sounds cold, I still say that Andy Griffith should either die or retire after making this one. Go out on a strong note I say, not on another damn "Matlock" TV movie.

"Away From Her"

In a weird 'life imitating art' twist about a week after I watched this the news broke about Sandra Day O'Connor's husband falling in love with a woman at his Alzheimer care facility. There are so many ways to lose someone, when a work of art illustrates a possibility I never considered, it's going to blow me away every time. Bring the whole box of Kleenex.

"Gone Baby Gone"

Yes, those Afflack boys have serious chops. Yes, they made this (though this phrase always bugs me) more than just a genre story. Everyone I know who saw it all wanted to talk about it after, which speaks well for any movie.


"Atonement"

After a few weeks processing time I'm still bugged by the abrupt tone shift in this one but the powerful reveal at the end, with Vanessa Redgrave calmingly dashing the audience's hopes that everything will be okay in the end, only grows in my estimation. The third act of this one (though it's far clearer) and in "No Country for Old Men" actually have a lot in common in that way. Hey, I think there's a paper in that.

"No Country for Old Men"

I just saw this one on New Years so I'm still processing it (can you say windows motif?) but I can already say it's hands down the most unrelentingly intense movie of the year. I didn't see it but I'm pretty sure "Hostel III" can't claim anything near as scary as the first coin toss scene in "No Country for Old Men". I was also happy to see so many favorite familiar faces (Tess Harper, Kelly MacDonald, Barry Corbin) doing such good supporting work.

"Once"

I like this one so much I haven't dared to watch it again even though I'm intrigued by the promised DVD bonus features. (I am a bonus feature slut.) Sometimes you just need to leave it alone, you know? Undoubtedly my favorite movie of 2007.