A Point About Phobias

So I was speaking with my rhumatologist the other day about phobias. See, the bad thing about progessively degenerative diseases is, well, they're just so progressively degenerative and after having RA for 15ish years I have now hit the ceiling, pharmacologically speaking, and through trial and error, allergy or nontolerance have exhausted all known pill options. Those that pay attention to stupid drug commercials (I liked TV way better before they came along) know about the exciting new class of drugs for RA called biologics. This class of drug, instead of simply treating the symptoms, attempt to fight back the way a normal functioning immune system would, which is pretty cool. The only hitch, at least for me, is that because they work so differently they require a different delivery system. Instead of a pill these drugs must be taken by needle, either as a self delivered injection or an IV.

Now those who read me regularly know I am a complete coward when it comes to needles. The last shot I got made me pass out. Granted, it was one of those monster shots that take minutes to give and contain lidocaine because otherwise you'd be screaming in agony but still, I am a coward. As I said to my doctor it's all mental, it's a phobia. You could say "Sam, if you take this shot 2 times a month you'll never have another seconds pain" and I would still balk cause there's a needle involved. (You could also say "Sam, you have multiple tattoos and you're afraid of needles?" but that's a whole other thing.) I know it doesn't make sense, cause you're applying logic to something that is not logical. It's also not smart and like most smart people I hate more than anything to be dumb but there it is.

So we talked about it and I said you know I didn't think I would be able to give my cat an IV but I did because there was no other choice. Fortunately for my condition, for cowards like me no other choice is among the most powerful motivations there is.