One Hundred Names for Love
What would you do if the thing that attracted you first to your beloved was suddenly, perhaps irrevocably, taken away? What if the mind that had captured you, wholly and completely, was gone and all that was left of your clever author husband was an invalid who could only say "mem, mem, mem"?
Think about it.
That was the decision that faced author Diane Ackerman when her husband of 40 years, David, was felled by a stroke. Her memoir One Hundred Names for Love tells what she did when, in an instant, she went from wife and partner to caregiver, translator and sole decision maker. How she coped and found the key to unlock the words still trapped in David's mind makes for a lyrically moving, mature, love story.
Of course, it's beautifully written, it's Diane Ackerman, who has written as many books of poetry as science but what makes this her best is the personal mapping the cartography of loss:
"When asked about the secret to our decades long duet, I sometimes teased we stayed together for the sake of the children-each was the other's child. And we were both wordsmiths, cuddle-mad and extremely playful. But who can say why two people become a couple, that small principality of mutual protection and regard? Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. They're never total fits or misfits. In time, a pair invents its own commonwealth, complete with anthems, rituals and lingos-a cult of two with fallible gods."
and her description of caregiving (I'm only a minor league caregiver but I think her description spot on):
"It was also arduous for me not to feel impatient and resentful at times in the role of teacher, attendant, nurse:caregiver. That word should weigh more that the others on the page, sag it down a bit and wrinkle it, because the simple sounding job frazzles as it consumes and depletes. Not that it's only gloomy. Caregiving offers many fringe benefits including the sheer delight of nourishing and grooming, sharing and playing. There's something uniquely fulfilling about being a lodestar, feeling so deeply needed and it's fun finding creative ways to gladden a loved one's life but caregiving does buttonhole you; you're stitched in one place."
Happily, through tireless work, David regained his speech, mostly, and has published several articles and books since the stroke but even if he hadn't One Hundred Names for Love would still be inspiring.
(Also notice and appreciate the cover of this one-there really are 100 names.)
Think about it.
That was the decision that faced author Diane Ackerman when her husband of 40 years, David, was felled by a stroke. Her memoir One Hundred Names for Love tells what she did when, in an instant, she went from wife and partner to caregiver, translator and sole decision maker. How she coped and found the key to unlock the words still trapped in David's mind makes for a lyrically moving, mature, love story.
Of course, it's beautifully written, it's Diane Ackerman, who has written as many books of poetry as science but what makes this her best is the personal mapping the cartography of loss:
"When asked about the secret to our decades long duet, I sometimes teased we stayed together for the sake of the children-each was the other's child. And we were both wordsmiths, cuddle-mad and extremely playful. But who can say why two people become a couple, that small principality of mutual protection and regard? Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. They're never total fits or misfits. In time, a pair invents its own commonwealth, complete with anthems, rituals and lingos-a cult of two with fallible gods."
and her description of caregiving (I'm only a minor league caregiver but I think her description spot on):
"It was also arduous for me not to feel impatient and resentful at times in the role of teacher, attendant, nurse:caregiver. That word should weigh more that the others on the page, sag it down a bit and wrinkle it, because the simple sounding job frazzles as it consumes and depletes. Not that it's only gloomy. Caregiving offers many fringe benefits including the sheer delight of nourishing and grooming, sharing and playing. There's something uniquely fulfilling about being a lodestar, feeling so deeply needed and it's fun finding creative ways to gladden a loved one's life but caregiving does buttonhole you; you're stitched in one place."
Happily, through tireless work, David regained his speech, mostly, and has published several articles and books since the stroke but even if he hadn't One Hundred Names for Love would still be inspiring.
(Also notice and appreciate the cover of this one-there really are 100 names.)
posted by Sam @ 7:22 PM
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