My Dirty Dirty Pants

So my go to jeans right now are Lucky brand. For those non jean experts Luckys are in the middle of the price spectrum-not cheap like Old Navy (aka Old Slavey) but not movie star expensive like 7 for All Mankind. (Admittedly, I mostly shop at thrift stores so my idea of a fair price is somewhat skewed.) In addition to their accompanying clothing line, Lucky's trademark is the message on the fly. There, on each pair, is a punny play on their name. (Mine says 'Lucky You'.) My question is, should an almost 40 year old really be wearing pants with a dirty message on the crotch? It's kind of like when I rented my wee studio and considered getting one of those loft beds that gives you space underneath till I thought what if I did bring someone home? How completely would the mood be ruined by having to say "Don't slip on the ladder" or "Mind your head"?

Now I inherited these pants so the price was totally right (lucky me indeed!) and since they are the closest thing I have to good butt pants right now I'm not giving them up. (At this juncture no one's seeing my fly but me.) I don't think I'm ready for the Joy Behar recommended adjustable waist Chicos pants just yet but perhaps there's some happy medium?

Why I Didn't Want to be on Facebook in the First Place

I have now been on Facebook for 3 weeks and, depressingly, I only have 3 friends.

Heavy sigh.

That's why I didn't want to want to join in the first place. That and the fact that I have no digital capability which makes me, in a Dear Abby way, Faceless on Facebook. (Some of the tech boys at my store offered to fix that, they even offered to Photoshop me. Thanks a lot guys.)

I prefer to think of my friends more like the last scene from "It's a Wonderful Life". Tons of them, pouring in to help me in my hour of need. Too many to even count instead of the cold hard math.

I hate math.

I joined 4 Facebook groups, I'm even the only female member of the George P. Pelecanos Appreciation Society (which is depressing in a whole other way) but still only 3 friends.

Heavy sigh.

Hating on PW

http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6530009.html?9=northline

It's not exactly a starred review, is it?

No, I think it's safe to say that Publishers Weekly is not a fan of Willy Vlautin's Northline. Though I am passionate about it, as regular Hoyden readers know, I can acknowledge it's not a book for everyone (Jan Karon fans need not apply) and as a bookseller I won't be trying to sell it to everyone. But while I am happy to civilly agree to disagree with those who might find fault in a dispassionate way-yes, it is quite dark, yes, it is tough to read in parts-I don't have much patience for reviews that throw off the gloves this way.

So, I feel I must respond in kind-emotionally and from the gut.

It must be nice, anonymous PW reviewer person, to have led such a charmed life. What a pleasure it must be to have never been down on your luck, confused about where you are going or hooked up with the wrong person. To never have drunk too much or hurt yourself intentionally, either as respite from chilling numbness or because you at least want a pain you can control because you can't control the pain that makes you to end it all. How lucky to always be confident about your worth and secure in the knowledge of your worth to others. It's a shame that your time was wasted by having to read and review a book that so painstakingly chronicles the struggles of a character with such feet of clay.

In short, I'm shocked that such a powerful and prestigious periodical would hire reviewers with so little imagination and empathy, those qualities being the bare minimum for being a reader in the first place.

Every Monday Matters-Monday 08

This week's task was help the hungry. I didn't need to read the stats to be convinced. I find it all too easy to imagine having to choose between food and rent or other necessities. Going away for the weekend put me off schedule a bit so I didn't participate as fully as I could.

At least not yet.

I did have to get groceries since the cupboards were beyond bare so while I was there I did buy some extra items for the food donation barrel. The book also suggested buying fast food gift cards to have on hand when approached by the homeless which I thought was an excellent suggestion both from a practical and an ease point of view. Small suggestions I haven't thought of-anther good reason to appreciate the EMM playbook.

Two Hearts

Well, the wedding was yesterday-everybody showed up and said "I do" when they were supposed to and now my friend Mike is a married man. It was a lovely event and I couldn't be happier for them. It's not often you are asked to bear witness to someone's dream coming true so it's important to note those with care. I've been fortunate in that all the recent weddings I've been invited to have been ones were ones where all the attendees are pleased-either because it's been so long coming as to almost be anticlimatic or because it was so unexpectedly out of the blue-which makes a huge difference in the atmosphere of the whole event. I had a brief conversation with some older relative, one of those that spring up among friendly strangers, who shared the fact that he had been married to the same woman for 56 years and if he had it to do all over again he would choose exactly the same. Since he was speaking to 2 single guests it could have been a conversational disaster but it was said so simply and with such conviction that it went over well. The other listening party said to this man, "Tell her" (meaning his wife) but somehow, I think she already knows.


*For those keeping score at home (cause what I wore is so important) I wore my black dress with a vintage yellow beaded cardigan. But between my friend's brown/burgandy Grecian wrap dress, flaming red hair, 4 inch heels and 'hello ladies!' cleavage it really didn't matter. It's not for nothing that she refers to me as "the smart one".

Every Monday Matters-Monday 07

This week's task was to write a letter to a soldier which I was happy to do even if I kinda cringed at the book's direction to "write a letter to a military hero". (Hero is so overused-personally I'm more interested in corroponding with someone who doesn't think of themselves that way.) I just finished reading a book partially set at a military hospital that was dedicated to a soldier so the timing felt right. (Don't you just love that kind of synchronicity?)

If you don't know a soldier personally there are loads of sites dedicated to reaching out to soldiers all over the world-just type a few key words in your search engine and you'll be hooked up. All the sites I visited while doing this research all emphasized that the number 1 thing that all soldiers wished for was mail. Being one of those people who get temporarily grumpy when the mail is crap I totally get that. As I said last week make good mail for others. So on that note Staff Sargeant Vicky Peters, you've got mail!

I Been Rockin the Converse

I just got back from the Target, I had to check out their new Converse line. If ever there was a promotion designed the suck the money from Sam's wallet this would be the one. I totally wanted the "I Rock the Converse" tee though anyone looking at my shoe collection could tell that without benefit any t-shirt. For example, I've had my black high tops since I was in college. They still have Russian painted on the sides when I visited when it was still the Soviet Union. (That was 1987 people!)

(For those you keeping track at home the current count is 2 One Stars, black and brown and 5 All Stars white hi & low top, navy, burgandy and black.)

Though I liked the clothes (except the Members Only knockoff jacket-that was just sad and ugly) I was concerned by the quality of the shoes. It made me wonder if there is Converse and Converse for Target if you know what I'm saying. It bugged me enough that I put the shirt back.

Maybe when it goes on sale.

This Just In

Irish mystery writer Ken Bruen, through his iconic Jack Taylor character, is the new Walt Whitman! Check it out.

"This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants"

Leaves of Grass

"But I was afraid he'd come back. i sat for another twenty minutes. I'd liked that priest a lot. One meeting and I felt like I knew him. Tried to find some prayer. A wino approached and I gave him ten euro, felt that was the best prayer of all."

Priest

Let Me Give You a Tip

When an insurance company says that they "approve" a medication it doesn't necessarily mean that they are paying for it. I found this out the hard way while on the phone with the specialty pharmacy the other day. The look on my face must have been priceless as they quoted me a total in the thousands of dollars. Yeah, no wonder they approved. Approved of me giving them scads of money-that's just good business, right? So, don't count your prescriptions before they're filled-make sure to make sure who's actually paying cause it's probably you.

Hope for the Future

If you want to see an exciting sports clip check out the video footage of last Saturday's Risen Star Stakes. In it, you'll see the stretch move that has made Pyro the top choice in the Future Pool for the Kentucky Derby. Coupled with War Pass' impressive 2 year old career and the dueling dominance of the fillies Country Star and Indian Blessing, it's shaping up to be an exciting spring for racing. It's always exciting in the spring but rarely has so much promise been shown so early. Lots of racing lovers hope for another super horse (and I mean a super horse, not a super popular horse ala Barbaro) to bring more attention and dollars to the sport but I think another great rivalry (think Affirmed and Alydar) would be even better.


* You can watch footage of the Risen Star at http://www.ntra.com.

Pity Flowers Smell as Sweet

So my strategy for Valentine's is one of embracing it. Unlike my Christmas strategy which was one of denial-just think of it as a day off, with presents! (Surprisingly, that was a spectacular failure.) Yeah, I'm alone but that doesn't mean I don't have valentines. The guy I supervise, also single, and I have adopted each other for the day. Lavish presents will ensure we're not empty handed. So, I'll bring the sweet treats, give valentines to all my friends, wear pink or red and all my heart jewelry and face V-Day head on.

Thanks Barry Manilow!

In one of the oddest album genesis stories apparently it was Barry Manilow of all people who, in either an e-mail or backstage at an award show (I've heard it both ways) suggested to Shelby Lynne that she do a Dusty Springfield tribute record. He felt like she had just the right mix of spirit and soul and he was dead right. Great career advice and all those catchy jingles? Good job sir!


"A Little Lovin" is in stores now.

Every Monday Matters-Monday 06

This week's task was fun. Get rid of junk mail? Yeah, I'm down with that. I hate sorting my mail over the trashcan. ("crap. crap. bill. crap." The usual refrain.) Did you know the average person will spend 8 months of their lives sorting junk mail and they receive 1.5 personal letters each week compared to 10.8 pieces of junk mail? And, not surprisingly, junk mail deliveries surpass the number of US Postal Service First Class mail. No wonder postal workers are pissed.

But it's pretty easy to turn off the flow.

First, go to the Direct Marketing Association website. There you can remove your name from their member mailing list, their prospect list and the prescreened offer list. (You can do it by snail mail too but that kinda seems like missing the point with this one.) They will ask for both your Social Security number (which is encrypted) and a credit card (just to be sure you're you). Then sit back and wait cause direct mailings are planned months in advance.

Second, it's also recommended that you write "Please do not rent or sell my name" next to your name when entering contests, make a donation, join a buyers club, order a product by mail, subscribe to a magazine or return a warranty card.

And third, if there is a particular company who is sending unwanted mail, call their customer service number and say "cut it out!"

I would also offer as a suggestion that you actually write a personal letter in a really intriging envelope and give someone else (and their mail carrier) a good mail day.

Holy Crap is it Cold!

Me walking outside this morning:
"Oh, it's not so AAAGGHHHH!"

3 degrees with a wind chill of 20 below. I hate it when it's so cold you feel like you're not wearing pants when you're wearing pants. Those wind gusts are no treat either let me tell you. And you never feel more dirt ass than when climbing into your car through a non driver door cause, once again, the door has frozen shut. (I always manage to impale myself on the gear shift no matter how careful I think I'm being.) Today was a special challenge cause first I was frozen out then when I managed to get a door open it was frozen open. So I drove to the gas station on the corner with one hand, holding the door closed with the other just to see how difficult it was. The answer is pretty damn difficult. I don't recommend it. So I sat there with the heat cranked flipping the lock incessantly till I could at least lock the door-it wasn't all the way closed (so all the heat got sucked out) but it at least stayed shut long enough to get to work.

The forecast for tomorrow?

Colder.

There Will Be Oscar Bait

And this years Oscar Bait Award goes to... Paul Thomas Anderson's "There Will Be Blood".

If you remember from last year, Oscar Bait are those movies, on everyone's lips this time of year, that are universally respected, duly honored with the hardware and then never heard from again except during marathon sessions of Trivial Pursuit or Scene It. "Last King of Scotland" anyone? When was the last time you checked out "Children of a Lesser God"? Or "Gandhi"? Yeah, Kingsley was perfect in that just don't make me watch it again.

Loosely based on Upton Sinclair's, "Oil", in that it's about a man who looks for oil, "There Will Be Blood" actually has a lot more in common with Moby Dick (down to the limp!) or "Citizen Kane" in it's examination of the cost of one man's obsession. Daniel Day Lewis is marvelous in the lead but when is he not? The man is amazing, perhaps the most precisely physical actor ever, but he pretty much specializes in Oscar Bait. Seen "Sins of the Father" or "My Left Foot"on cable lately? The cinematography is great, there are plenty of questions to talk about afterwards (did he really love his boy?) and yes, it has, hands down, the best ending line of any movie in recent history (I'm not going to spoil it by quoting it here) but, for me I had the same feeling I did after some of Anderson's other movies. He's absolutely got the goods, he needs to be making movies and if I wrote the checks at the studio he'd get a big one but I just don't like his movies very much. The worst part of this one, besides the 3 hour running time which had me considering "There Will Be a Doughnut Pillow for My Ass" as a possible title for this entry, was Paul Dano's performance as Eli Sunday, the child preacher. He just couldn't keep up. I know he and Anderson were probably thinking Brad Dourif in "Wise Blood" or Will Oldham in "Matwan" but was it just me or was there instead a whiff of R. G. Armstrong in "Children of the Corn"? You know the scene at the end, when he's on the cross and talking in that 'I'm making like Mercedes McCambridge in "The Exorcist" voice'? Yeah, the Dano scenes were kinda like that. But, since they're in this year's Oscar bait fortunately, no one will be watching after the ceremony's over.

Uncle Walt was Right

It's been a good week here in dotted Hoyden-land. In the space of 5 days this little thing of mine has gotten attention far and wide. An artist in Christchurch, a novelist in Baltimore (it was total fun to discover how hard it is to say "Laura Lippman linked me") and the good folks at Alabama Ass Whuppin all took the time to say 'good on ya' which makes the world feel smaller in the best possible way. The Web isn't always so welcoming-last year someone used this blog for evil so I can truthfully say I've seen both sides. Kudos and praise aren't why I do it but it sure makes me want to do it better.

No, It Really is Groundhog Day

So I went back to the doctor for "TB Test II: The Sequel" today and, as I suspected , the new test was a negative. However, as an item of interest I felt compelled to point out that last week's site has now gone crazy inflamed which doesn't make any sense. It's not "House" weird or John Merrick freakish, just one of those weird body things. We hope. Worst case if site #2 goes crazy we treat for TB and call it good.

The bigger deal was that I couldn't start the Humira today because I have a cold (or it could be strep, it hasn't really made up it's mind yet) and you cannot start it if you have any sort of infection. I was torn between feeling like I'd won another reprieve and being dismayed since I had my courage all screwed to the sticking point-literally. I considered lying but that's no way to start my new painfree life. We did go through the training though and it might have been a good thing actually since I could ask lots of questions and practice without being freaked out by knowing that a real shot was forthcoming. After 3 practice injections into my fake 'leg' I gotta say the Humira pen is a pretty cool tool. I still don't want to have to use it but they really could not have made it any easier short of, you know, making it a pill. Hopefully, with an armed one when the time comes, I'll still be a fan.

Every Monday Matters-Monday 05

This Monday's task is the biggest and toughest yet-eat healthy. Sandwiched as it is between Super Bowl Sunday (chips & dip) and Fat Tuesday (pacszis*) the timing seems nothing short of mean. But, I'm committed.

We all know the stats:

-79% likelihood exists that an overweight child will become an overweight adult
-75% of all adults don't eat the recommended daily 5 servings of fruits and vegetables
-snack consumption by children has increased 300% from 20 years ago
-$50 billion spent on weight loss aids and diet foods every year yet obesity is still increasing

So what to do?

First, I would say you have to be realistic. What is eating healthy? To drop all sugar and processed foods for example would likely just be setting myself up to fail. (And really isn't the way I want to live either.) Choosing smaller, more doable things seems like a smarter idea especially since I'm closer to struggling to keep my pants up than fitting into them and, though I face many health challenges, high blood pressure and diabetes are not among them.

For me personally the challenge is twofold-laziness and budget. I live alone and am frequently not as motivated as I should be to prepare the good stuff when it's just me. Far easier to just make a bowl of oatmeal and or pop in a frozen dinner call it good. I don't often do fast food but that doesn't mean I'm always getting the 3 healthy squares I should and budget goes hand in hand with this in an insidious way. You can get an entire combo meal at a fast food restaurant for half of what you pay for a salad. It's backasswards to say the least.

So what am I going to do? Three things:

-drink more water
-limit snacking (getting some quality desk snacks for work is key here)
-aim for the 5 a day, every day with fruits & veggies (I won't get there every day but I'll be better for the striving)

Unlike the previous weeks this one can't be checked off after just a day, it'll be an ongoing challenge.



*Fat Tuesday is when Detroit's Polish population has its day in the sun. Pacszis are a traditional Polish pastry (think a jelly doughnut with double the lard that eats like a hockey puck with filling) eaten on Fat Tuesday as a last sweet hurrah before Lent.

Not Ready for Prime Time Books

Helping Me Help Myself by Beth Lisnick
The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner


After reading these two, which I think could both be fairly be called general nonfiction, I have to say I think they would have been good as an article or an extended NPR piece. Some articles, like Laura Hillenbrand's original one on Seabiscuit from American Heritage magazine, just cry out to be a book but these, not so much.

Helping Me Help Myself tells the story of Lisnick's project to turn her life around with 12 famous self help gurus, 1 a month for a year. It works as an elevator pitch but it reads as gimmicky from the get go, a feeling the book is never quite good enough to surpass. (Kinda like she stole A. J. Jacobs' next book idea.) I liked her Everybody Into the Pool, I thought she might have what it takes to be the female David Sedaris all these essayists seem to want to be but given the lack of heart in this one now I don't think so. If someone is attempting to completely remake themselves I should feel something for them and their journey, but too often Lisnick just goes for the easy comment or laugh. I did feel for her in her frank discussion of finances and budget strain-in the book she describes her frequent gigs dressed as a banana. Living as close to the edge as I do I could relate but it wasn't enough for me to be able to recommend this one.

The Geography of Bliss also tells the story of a journey, this one around the world looking for the happiest places. Again, an interesting idea that fails in the execution. One or two places was fun but by the time we got to India, I was out of steam. Weiner seems like a good sort to have a beer with but he's not as funny as Bill Bryson or as party hearty as Anthony Bourdain and I would have liked this book a lot better if one of them had written it instead.

Video Contest Fun

Picking up where he left off with "We Can't Make it Here Anymore", James McMurtry is sponsoring a video contest for his new song, "Cheney's Toy". Fans can download the song for free at McMurtry's MySpace page on Super Tuesday (just in case, you know, voting for the President's successor didn't get your blood up enough). Makers of the Top 5 videos will win t-shirts and an autographed copy of the new record, "Just Us Kids", not available to everyone else until April 15. McMurtry's personal favorite will also win an Ipod Nano.

Making videos in my head is one of my favorite commute passing activities (my scrapbooking themed one for Patty Griffin's "Making Pies" is a classic) so I am dismayed not to have the equipment to actually participate but look forward to watching what other fans come up with while I am waiting for the new record. (According to the track list there's a song title that namechecks Leonard Cohen-I can't wait to hear what that's all about.)

Wanted: New Medium

Let's be clear-I'm no artist, I'm more of a dabbler. I have lots of ideas but not so much skill in the artistic department so papercrafts, especially collage, is ideal for me. (I'm also in love with my Print Gococo cardmaking machine.) One of my favorite things to do are paint chip portraits.

Yeah, paint chips like at Home Depot.

They are the world's best FREE art supplies. You can take as many as you want and then go back the next day and get more. They come in all different shapes and sizes and they all have names so you have the lovely combo of words and colors. (Naming paint chips? Oh, how I'd love to have that job!)

So, when you're making a portrait you have that person in mind, go to the store (or stores if you're anal like me) and you'll be amazed at how many applicable chips you can find. The better you know someone-the more history you have together-the easier and more meaningful it will be. Then you arrange them all together in a pleasing way, stand back and let the compliments roll in. A greater challenge is to make one for someone you don't know. Without the shared experience it can be too obvious and superficial. More difficult still is when you don't know the person and what you do know you're unlikely to find a paint chip for. This is happening to me again with my most recent project. When your reading or listening taste runs dark I guess it's gonna happen. It seems homeowners just don't want rooms with colors like hit and run or parking lot. (Although I did find a cool green today called Jealousy-how'd that slip through quality control?) So, I'm gonna keep my eyes open-you can't do found art without looking (duh!)but I'm thinking I might need a new medium.

And Now Let Us Sing the Praises

of DBT Jenn and other GSD (Get Shit Done) Women

You know what I'm talking about. I'm sure you have some in your own life. Women who, though they may not have the most high profile, well paying or glamorous jobs, are totally getting it done. They cut through red tape, speak the language and just in general make the world work. Women who personify that seemingly rarest of all modern qualities, complete competence.

This sprang to mind recently with the release of the new Drive-By Truckers' CD "Brighter Than Creation's Dark". (I'm still getting to know it, an actual review will be forthcoming.) Joe & I were checking into any special packages available directly from the band (there's usually some sort of deal-e-o and we both feel strongly about getting as much money directly into the band's hands as possible) but we were kind of scandalized by what they (or more correctly, I bet, the outside company running the promo) were charging for shipping and handling, especially since they couldn't even guarantee release day delivery (and you must get the new DBT on that day). So Joe wrote an e-mail and oh, in about 15 minutes, got an answer from Jenn Bryant, aka DBT Jenn, webmistress and friend of the band. She assured us that the feedback would be passed on and also offered, though there was not a Detroit area show currently scheduled, there would for sure be one.

That's what I'm talking about.

A quick efficient response gets it done. Taking care of business in a flash, if you wanna get all Elvis about it. How much easier would life be if we all had our own DBT Jenns? And I could name others too-Sally at West Side Body Shop, Ruthann at the dirty Kroger, Mary Alice at Charm City Cakes-all keeping things running smooth in their little corner of the world.

So here's to you ladies. Not only do I salute you I aspire to be one of you. Keep up the good work!

Snowday Serendipity

Today we had out our third big winter storm of the season and for once I didn't have to open. In fact, I didn't even have to work at all. Instead, I was a fighter in the Resistance ("Army of Shadows"), in the courtroom with Leopold and Loeb ("Compulsion") and in the corriders of power in Baltimore ("The Wire") all without ever leaving the comfort of my flannel snowglobe pajamas.

And in an example of scary good timing I also got a package today. (Yes, the UPS driver was totally into my pjs.) My friend Carrie, a master thrifter, sent me her greatest find yet-a stunning homemade quilt that has all manner of cool quotes ("The Simpsons", "Buffy", and "Sports Night" among others) ironed on it. In brief,

Best.
Adult.
Snowday.
Ever.