Hoyden Seeks Relief from Singles Ads Reality

So the other night while I was on Craigslist doing the job scan thing I got a wild hair and clicked on the 'men seeking women' link. I mean, why not, right? People meet that way all the time. That's how my friend Carrie met her husband Thor and you can't find a picture of them together where they aren't laughing (a sure sign of a good match in my book). And, not that it's the same thing at all, but I got a great cat that way.


Let me allow the use of negative space to express what a HUGE mistake that was.




HUGE.



If this is an example of the men out there I guess I need to start looking for a few more cats cause gentleman I gotta say, I am not impressed. Poor writing aside -punctuation and capitalization speak volumes-(Craigslist is free so go ahead and use complete sentences I say) these ads were pretty sad and not even good for a laugh. The physical part sure seems to weigh heavy on their minds-the word "slim" comes up a lot especially in the 'I'm 300 pounds but you have to be tiny' kind of way.

And I was shocked by the number of married men (or ones who claimed to be married) who were looking for a little something something on the side and how to a man they all swore up and down they would totally spoil their something something girl. Yeah, except if I wanted, you know, all of your time or a commitment or even to call you at your home. Now you could say 'at least they're being honest' but I say 'Yeah, in the ad.' They're certainly not being honest anywhere else.

But the worst and the one that made me close the connection with a shudder was one written by a guy who was looking for a wedding date. His best friend was getting married and as he was currently without a girlfriend (somehow NOT surprising) and he needed one that would totally make the groom jealous. So she had to be big breasted and Asian cause apparently that was the groom's fantasy and he was marrying a woman who was the opposite. Wait, you want me to help you make your best friend unhappy on his wedding day??? He actually said at the end of his ad 'Is this racist? Probably but at least I'm being honest.'

Nice. What a standup guy. Yeah, that's someone I want to spend time with.

The one saving grace was Andy's ad. Andy, who is a bit of a Daniel Radcliffe ringer, has a good job and just bought a house. He's a little shy so his friends placed an ad for him. That got my curiousity up and so I had to ask. And he responded yes, it was true and yes, he is still friends with them. Good luck Andy, I hope you find what you're seeking cause I sure didn't.