Me? Stubborn? Really?

The other thing that came to me this week, like an anvil to the head, is that something I've been looking forward to since last summer is just not going to happen.

See when I saw that my author crush was going up againest my friend Mike's author crush for the Barry Awards I had to send a trash talking 'let's make a bet cuz my guy's gonna kick your guy's ass' e-mail cause, well, that's just the kind of girl I am. Then, after we settled on the stakes (dinner at Pat's Steakhouse), Mike attempted to get the authors roped in cause, well, that's just the kind of guy he is. I was immediately taken with the idea (bourbon, steaks, men-what could be bad?) and have used it as a carrot ever since. The tantalizing idea of this dinner fueled many a daydream that's helped keep me going the last few months. I mean how cool would that be? (I repeat bourbon, steaks, men-what could be bad?) Even if I made a total ass of myself, which I would almost be sure to do, that would still make a great story.

But all at once this week as I looked at the calendar and charted the lack of progress on the arranging front I realized what everybody else probably knew last summer and I was just too dumb or foolish to acknowledge-it's a nonstarter. I apparently had enough luck or juice or whatever to make one big thing happen and that wad has been blown. I don't begrudge it a bit either, to those who save us much is owed but I have to say I'm finding it hard to give this one up.