Letter to My Neighbor

To the Resident of 1A,

Yes, I hear you. I can always hear you unless you're gone or sitting in your car talking on the phone (that really creeps me out-can't you talk inside like a normal person?) The thump, thump, thump of the bass line coming through the floor. The loud guests coming and going and coming and going at all hours. The stoop standing that blows smoke into our apartment. (I especially liked the time that you were having an arguement with your girlfriend out there-the part about how you "almost love her" was especially sweet. ) The list could go on and on but the facts are simple. You don't want to go up againest me. That's not a threat, it's a statement of fact. I'm not afraid to complain-I've been living in apartments longer than you've been alive and I know how to deal with a bad apple neighbor. You have R&B and Hip-hop but I have Opera. And worse yet, Country. Yeah, you don't want to mess with me.