Hoyden Hints for the Suddenly Single

So the worst has happened and now you're alone. I offer the following coping devices. Mostly common sense, they are time and road tested.


-Take pleasure in your new space. There's a certain satisfaction in having your things where you want them. Take your time getting it right. Put out things that you like, comforting familiar things. Compared to other things yes, it is a small pleasure but one to be enjoyed nevertheless. Make your nest your own.

-Keep it neat. Your natural inclination may be to wallow in squalor. That's a perfectly natural feeling but you must resist it. Seeing an army of flies fly out of your mountain of unwashed dishes will only make you feel worse.

-Find your sanctuaries-those places that make you feel calm. They'll be different for each person-mine have included a lake, the library and the Humane Society. Figure out what yours are and use them religiously.

-Write a letter a day. E-mail and phone calls are great too but if it's true you have to write a letter to get a letter you gotta get writing-nothing cheers you up like real mail. I'm also a big believer in the power of the unsent letter because what's good to get out isn't always good to send.

-Let people help. They want to help, really. Hopefully, they'll just dive in without waiting for you to ask but if they don't or they're not offering what you need, ask. You'd do the same for them right?

-Choose your crutches wisely. Drink and drugs are not good crutches. Bad TV is fine. DVD box sets and pets are better.

-Take walks. Even if you're not a hiker it's good for you. Nature doesn't give a damn about your broken heart and sometimes that can be comforting.

-Do things for other people. I firmly believe that you are the most yourself when you are thinking the least about yourself and last thing you want to be thinking about now is you. It doesn't have to be an official volunteer gig but those do get something else on your calendar.

-Cook for yourself. It's sure easier to eat some oatmeal over the sink or bring something in again but don't. Make an actual meal and sit down and eat it. Or better yet, have a friend over and cook for them.

-If someone asks you to do something do it. You're not going to feel like doing anything so just make yes your answer. It might be painful or boring sometimes but it'll get you out of the house.

-Road trip! Sometimes getting the hell out of town is the best possible idea.


Most importantly, take it easy on yourself. You've been knocked down, it takes a bit to shake your head clear sometimes but it'll happen. Remember that.