To Save Me

This week the flag of my disposition is low and my mouth is full of loss. Yes, it's true I lost my job but I also lost something far more precious and irreplaceable, a friend.



The next sound you hear is them sawing off the branch I had so nervously crept out on.



There is no support system and language for this kind of loss. Yeah, for us singletons there's a certain amount of people coming and going but not friends. Your friends are always there for you, that's why they call them friends. That's why this loss is so hard to wrap my mind and heart around. Because it's not supposed to work this way-it's wrong, wrong, wrong especially for a relationship that was sparked by an act of kindness out of the clear blue sky.



Being a friend is a strength and point of pride for me-I am very tribal. If you're a member of my pack there's nothing I won't do for you which makes having to cull stuff wrapped up in this loss nothing less than brutal. The CDs are sacrosanct of course, even if I never listen to them again, but I threw the envelopes away. The pictures have also been changed out. The voicemails are still there, for now, and I haven't done the Facebook defriending yet either. Those will have to come too, with time.



The flag of my disposition is low. Or as the song goes:

"So, how much difference could it possibly make
how much effort could it possibly take to save me
to save me, to save me, to save me
save me from sailing over the edge"

-M. Ward